Please don't leave me.

I have severe abandonment issues, I just noticed it. It's just like, everyone has always left me. No one has ever really stayed. When something goes wrong, I am usually the one to be blamed, but it's usually not my fault. Abandonment isn't only when someone walks out of your life, it's also when someone walks away in a fight. Another big thing of my issue is when someone is mad at me and just thinks I did wrong when I didn't. I don't know, it's just like when someone just assumes I was in the wrong and is mad, I feel like I lost all connection with that person and I feel abandoned.

Right now, I can count on one hand how many people actually care about me. That sucks. :/

It's always darker before the storm.

I am just having a hard time right now because I can't emotionally attach myself to anyone. Like I use to have such deep bonds with people and now I just feel stupid around them. I know I am pushing everyone away and I am trying not to, but it sucks. Boo! Life is hard right now. That is all.

Emotions. Emotions. Emotions.

I am so emotionally detached from almost everyone right now it's ridiculous. I am so stressed and anxious all the time. It's getting harder and harder for me to just deal with people and their bullshit. I am trying to just let things slide right now, but the more I think about everything the harder it is for me to just ignore it.

I can't form connections with anyone emotionally right now. I try to talk to people and let them know how I feel but I just can't trust anyone. I feel like everyone is out to hurt me and as soon as I tell anyone anything it will just blow up in my face. I was just beginning to trust and feel safe again. And now that is all ruined. I just need my best friend, she always helps me get over things..

It's really hard for me, with my niece being born to form a connection with her. I know I love her and words couldn't describe how much. I would do anything for her, she is so adorable and she is such a fighter. But I don't want to form a connection with her. I feel like I will loose her and I don't want that to happen, so I keep my distance even though it hurts, because all I wanna do is love her. I just hopes she starts getting healthy and gets out of the hospital soon.

I hope you get better life, because I am having a hard time right now. And I am not very good at handling stress.