Crying means you're weak.

I can't do this anymore.
I am laying in my bed, struggling to hold in my tears.
I don't want to cry, because that means I'm weak.
But I can't stay strong much longer.
How can you treat someone so badly, yet expect them to be nice in return?
How can you continue to give, yet no one is grateful?
Life goes on and on, and here I am, stuck in the middle.
Every step I take, I fall backwards double.
Everyone is having their own little pity party and are too selfish to look out of their bubble.
Its all about you, her, him, and her again. What about all of us in pain?
We all have our own little hell we are participating in, yet it is always about you.
Grow up, step up, and lend a hand. Its pathetic what we have all come to.

Let it all out, champ.

I wish I knew how to let my guard down, even if it was just a little. I honestly don't know how to tell my family and friends I care about them or how to just cry in front of others. How do people do it? My whole life I have had to be strong. I have had to hold it together while everyone cries to me. When I am sad, I hardly cry in front of others, I bite my cheeks and hold those tears in for as long as I can. So how do you just let your guard down? Because sometimes I do just want a hug, sometimes I do just want to cry, sometimes I do want to let people know I care about them, I just don't know how? :/

In the middle of a yawn, touch your tongue.. It'll stop your yawn

I really dislike when I get called sweet. No one knows me enough to say whether or not I am a sweet person. I may seem sweet, but let's face it, deep down inside, I'm not. I'm a twenty year old girl who has been burned too many times to trust the world. I do not hug people by choice and I freeze up when I have to. I do not like to be looked at, not even by myself. I do things to ruin my relationships with people, because I don't like to be close to others. I cry every night in my bed, because all I want to do is harm myself. I laugh when people fall. Do you need any other reason as to why I am not sweet? Or is that enough? Because I could go on and on about how horrible I am. If only you knew..

Make me proud, kid.

I wish someone would come up to me and tell me they are proud of me. That they are proud for how long I have stayed strong when they knew all I've wanted was to give up. For forgiving those who don't deserve it. For smiling when they know all I wanted to do was cry. For standing back up everytime I have been shoved or fallen, even though staying down would've been so much easier. I want them to say they are proud of who I have become. That no matter what drugs I do, rules I break, or cuts I make, that I make them proud on times when I say no, when I choose not to participate in the self-destruction. I want them to be proud of where I am in life. For being honest, when lying would be a lot less hard. For apologizing, even when it is not my fault. For loving, with all I have. For trusting with all I can. I want to make someone proud. And I want them to tell me, because nothing would make me happier than making somone proud at least once in my life.

Yawning is contagious.

Someone told me to go cut myself the other day and that I only do it for attention. I find that annoying, rude, and disgusting. I am so sick of being treated badly. I do not cut for attention, if I did wouldn't you all see my scars and wouldn't you have seen my cuts when I did it? If I did it for attention would I wear jackets or sweatshirts all the time, no matter the weather? Somedays it is close to 90 degrees and my stupid butt is in a jacket, because I want to hide my cuts or scars. So, if you say I do it for attention, then I would LOVE for one of you to tell me the last time I did it? Yeah, that's right. None of you could, point proven.

Lately, I have noticed that you can't trust anyone. I have put my trust in so many people and no matter what it always backfires. When will I find someone to trust? Will I ever? I wish I had a friend like me, because I don't tell others secrets, I keep my mouth shut. I don't know, when is it going to be over? I can't take it anymore, I can't listen to everyone, but when it comes to me no one will listen, and if they do, it becomes another problem, because I have to deal with them telling everyone else. Ugh, do I even make sense? I'm so freaking frustrated, and sad, and I feel stupid. I'm sick of feeling like an idiot. :/

And my ankle hurts.