I'm not gonna lie.

I'm so sick of hearing the phrases "I understand" "I'll be there for you" "you can trust me" "someone in the world has it worse" and "everything happens for a reason."

No. You don't understand. You have no clue how I feel. You may have been through something similar, but you do not know how I feel. Don't say you understand how I feel, because it doesn't make me feel better. It pisses me off. You can't say you understand, because there are a million problems I am dealing with not just the one that I am choosing to tell you. Gah.

You'll be there for me? Really? Last time I checked there is one person that is there for me and that's me. When I am at my lowest of lows and can hardly even breathe I look beside me and no one is there for me. When I text you don't answer, when I call you're too busy. Yet, when you need someone I'm always there. I always go above and beyond helping to make sure you're okay. Yet, when I need someone I'm all alone. Don't say you're there for me.

Trust must mean something different to me than the rest of the world because last time I checked going and telling my secrets isn't how you earn trust. There has not been one person in my entire life that I can trust. Every single person has betrayed me. So when you say I can trust you are you talking about before or after you tell the world something I told you in secret?

For real? I don't have it the worst in the world? Dang, I must be trippin. Duuuuh, I know there are people worse and to me it's not a competition. "Telling me not to be sad because someone has it worse is like telling me not to be happy because someone has it better" That right there is why you should never say this phrase to me, because I know people have it worse, but right now. I'm hurting. I'm struggling. I don't think I can do this.

Everything happens for a reason? What is the purpose of this? To teach me not to trust, I've already learned that. To teach my that even family betrays, disowns, and leaves you? Been taught that too. So what is the exact purpose because right in this very second the things that are happening in my life are only tearing me down.

Eff, I have held in my feelings for so long. And the only reason I am writing this is because I know no one reads it. I hate my life, I hate all the people in it. I have no one and I'm going to have to learn to be okay with it.