Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand

I have so much to say, but I don't know how to say it. Usually, I don't have this much trouble writing, it just usually flows and I can't type fast enough.

One; Starting tonight I need to forget what's gone. Appreciate what still remains and look forward to what's coming next.
Two; Too many of my days are wasted comparing myself to others and wishing I was something I'm not.
Three; I have learned that no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.
Four; I'm so lonely, I don't feel like getting up in the morning any more. Everything that used to make me happy, doesn't. I don't know what happened, either the people in my life just left me or I just started to push everyone away.
Five; I expect nothing from you and yet I am still disappointed every time.
Six; Just remember that when nobody else was there for you, I was. and when nobody else gave a damn, I did.
Seven; I only forgive you, because a part of me still wants you in my life.
Eight; Sleeping is nice. You forget about everything for a little while.

Heading to bed now, night(:

P.S. One day soon I will be un-lazy (?) <-- ahha. and try to look good so I can make my confessions video, I really want to do that still, really bad. I have it all written out, but I am so scared and too lazy. gahhh, life.(:

Hurricane, Utah.(:

So, I went to go visit Brook this weekend, it was actually a lot of fun, I was so scared at first, but then it was just whatever and at the end of it, I didn't want to leave. I arrived on Thursday and we just kicked it at her house all day, it was pretty fun, not that awkward. Then we went to bed and the next morning we woke up and got ready and went to St. George. At St. George we went to the mall (which takes ten minutes to walk through, no joke), Jack in the box (so good), I bought her an early birthday present, we went tanning (<3), got a snowie, and got dressed up all crazy and took pictures! It was so much fun, it was basically my first time  away from home, besides girls camp and youth conference. I could get used to being away from home<3.

 (This face was so unintenional, and I will probably never be able to do it again, when we looked at the camera and saw it we tried to redo it, but neither of us could. I look so freaking cool :P ahha.)

 (I love to wear 'silly socks', I absolutely hate when my socks match, it embarrasses me for some reason?)

It was a good trip all in all, sucks that it was only like 48 hours, but it was fun. I kind of learned I am not really a small town type of girl.(:

Awful things have their own kind of beauty.(:

Now that its all said and done.

You think you know who your true friends are? Wait till high school and see who is there for you when they spreads rumors about you. Think you’ll never do drugs? Wait till its right in front of you and all your ”friends” are doing it. Think you’re tough? Wait till you say the wrong thing to the wrong person.  See who backs down first. Think you’re always going to be an individual? Well, wait till one morning when you look in the mirror and you look like everyone else.

Dance magic dance..

You know those days where you sit by yourself and you analyze life? Figure out that you are doing EVERYTHING wrong, and you just want to change everything? That's the point I am in right now. I just wish I could change so much about my life, I want to be the happy person I was a couple years ago, even last year. I am honestly, scared. I am scared of being nineteen. I don't want to be this old, I feel like with the age comes responsibility and I don't want to be responsible or accountable yet. There is so much that I want to change about myself before its too late, before I go down the wrong path even more. I want to get out of this gray area I am living in.. I know the difference between right and wrong, but sometimes, I just don't care. I justify what I do, honestly, what I do isn't bad or illegal, but I feel like if others knew I did it they would be disappointed. I am caring too much about what others think of me, I hate it!

So my plan is to make a note card confession, way soon, yeah? I think it is the perfect therapy for me! I think it will make me strong, or at least help me pretend I'm strong.(;

On a lighter note, I get to see my best friend tomorrow!!! YEAAAH! I freaking can't wait, I love that girl so freaking much! She is the apple to my pie, the straw to my berry, the smoke to my high annd all the other things that sound cool(: