I am honestly, stuck. I don't know what to do, I keep making so many mistakes that I don't know how to fix or where they leads me. I feel so pathetic because I know better. I know I shouldn't do the things I do, but I don't want to stop. I have so many nasty habits and I want to tell people, but I can't get myself to trust anyone. I'm scared. I don't want everyone to know everything about me, I feel like I will loose who I am. I don't want that. I want to be free from my past, from my mistakes, but I still want to remember that they are what made me who I am today, because without all that I have gone through, I would be nobody. I am so strong, I learned that today. I can hold everyone's secrets, and mine and live, but the fact is, I don't want to. I hear everyone's secrets and it wants to make me tell mine, but who do I trust? I feel like everyone I can trust doesn't care, and everyone that I can't trust wants to know too bad. If I could, I really would just disappear, run away from them crazy life. I honestly, 100% think that no one would notice or care. I feel sad, but I don't want to tell people, because they think I feel that way for attention, I don't. I just want to be honest with my feelings and I don't think I can. I know my life isn't horrible, don't get me wrong, but it's not the best either.
No matter how many times I say, 'I don't want a dad', i do. I want to be a daddy's girl, to have someone that cares about me and tells me that boys are stupid. I want to have a daddy I can run to when I need him, to give guys I date the test, I don't have that, I want it so bad. I don't want my mom and step-dad to get a divorce, it hurts. I want to be a family, that is what I have always wanted, was to be a family. We are more broken then ever right now, and it sucks.
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