Winter in Uranus lasts 21 years.

My favorite season: Summer(:
My least favorite season: Summer. :(

I freaking love the weather and just the feel of summer. Being with my friends, family coming to visit, I just love summer, but at the same time.. I hate it.

Summer is the hardest time of the year for me. For multiple reasons, summer is usually when my cutting gets bad and this year, I am trying to stay strong. I am trying to talk to people about things, but no one cares or wants to listen. I think they think I want attention, but it's not true. I just don't want to cut. Last year this time I was doing drugs and I didn't have to feel. This year, I think drugs are stupid, and I can't cut. So, I am forced to feel. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I almost feel like this isn't worth it, life isn't worth it. I was so much happier when I cut, I just want to do it again, but I don't ever want to explain my scars to my cousins. I am ashamed that I had to cut to be happy. I just want to be happy. All I can think about right now is cutting and how good it would feel. I want to talk to someone, but the people I do talk to, don't give a freaaak, and the people that would listen, I can't get myself to talk to. I am, stuck..

I tried to talk to my mom, hoping she would just, maybe this one time, listen. She didn't. I get so freaking frustrated, because Jasmine goes to her every night and they talk about multiple things and this ONE time, I need to talk to her she just told me she was too tired. It hurts, so bad. I hate feeling like a burden, like I don't matter, but Jasmine does. I am not stupid I know everyone loves Jasmine more than me. All my family in Missouri and all my family here, all love her more. and I say I don't care, but I do. I want to have someone care if I live or die, or if I'm having a bad day.

If I ever have kids, I will never be too tired for my kids or compare them to one another, because it hurts. I know I will never have that light in my eyes like Darwin. I know I will never be as good as Jasmine. I get that, but hearing it from people hurts, so bad. I already know I don't compare to them, but hearing about how Jasmine does this and Darwin does that, kills me. No matter how many bad things Darwin does, he is still the king of the house, to my mom he does no wrong. It's so freaking annoying, because I mess up, on little bit and  I treated like shit for weeks.

I just feel so crappy and I think this has stopped me from wanting to cut, for a minute. So, at least I can talk to nobody, right?