It's the third day of the new year, and I honestly was hoping I would feel different. I do this every year, where I hope to be a better person, and change, but I never do. I am so freaking unhappy. I just have so much going on in my head right now that I can't deal with life. I have no friends. I have no one I can call and talk to or no one I can call up and ask to kick it, because all my friends suck. My 'friends' are the ones that only want someone there for them, but when I need someone they are no where to be found. They are the type of people that will only do something if it benefits them and they talk crap behind my back. If they aren't getting something out of it, they want nothing to do with it. I am so sick of it. I am sick of being the one to provide for everyone. I am sick of being the one to ask if they want to hang out and not the other way around. I am honestly not going to do it anymore. I know I have said multiple times that I won't, but this time I mean it. I can be using my time and money for more important things. I don't need them in my life. Usually friends are supposed to lift you up, but mine just bring me down. I am more happy sitting alone than with them, so screw it. I am so done, dealing with useless things that bring me down. I can't deal with caring about people and then having them turn their backs when they have something better. I can't do the whole I love you to your face, but when I turn around have a knife in my back. I refuse to be the person you all walk all over. I am not going to do it any longer. You aren't worth it. So go ahead and like my status' and all that stuff, because I am not going to text or call you first. I am not going to go out of my way to do something for you. I am going to start being selfish. I will think of myself before I even remember I have a friend with your name. I am going to become what you all have been to me these past couple years. I am not going to bite my tongue any longer and if you don't have money, I will not pay for you. If you want something done, don't ask me. I am so done.
Another thing that gets me about them, is they don't even care to read my blog, they don't care what I feel. If they had a blog, I would read it and try and be there for them, but they could careless about me. They use me. And I am so sick of it. UGH, I am so freaking hurt by all my 'friends' actions, it's ridiculous.
Next subject, Oregon. I donI't think you understand that as soon as I get money and Jasmine gets money and time off how fast I will be there. I miss those kids so much, it hurts. I talk to them on the phone all the time and hear their stories and I get sad. I don't want their lives to go on without me, but at the same time, I know they need to. They just seem so grown up and it sucks. I can't wait to go visit so I can get annoyed of them.(: ahha. I also miss Aunt Becky and Andrew. I didn't realize how much I would. Aunt Becky and I text EVERYDAY, pretty much. I don't know. I just feel like lonely, sad, empty, incomplete, etc. without them all in my daily life. I miss them all so much..(:
On to the next, Brook. Ohmygoodness. So at first it was her avoiding me, but now it's me avoiding her. I don't do it on purpose, I just feel abandoned right now and I don't want her to abandon me too. I have all my friend abandoning me, my aunt, uncle and cousins abandoning me, I don't want my best friend to leave me too. I don't know, I just feel really fragile and I don't want anything bad to happen to me right now, because I might not be able to take it. I am barely hanging on as it is.
Well, I am going to go on some sites. and listen to one direction? I think that is their name, my friend on tumblr told me to listen to a song, because I never have. I really hope I don't like them, because I hate trends and stuff. ahha.
Thanks for reading.
(if anyone even does.)
-Brittany.<3
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