I'm sorry isn't a magic band-aid..

..It doesn't automatically make everything all better."

Well, here it goes..
I have kind of been avoiding writing, because I am honestly, too scared of what I might say. It's been a hard week for me. On Sunday night, Skyler and I had a sleepover, and when he came over we went to swing at the park. As we were swinging we got to talking and he ended up telling me he is frustrated with me.. At first I got defensive, because my feelings were hurt, but as he began to explain why, I started to understand. As hard it is for me to admit, he was right for feeling frustrated with me. And the thing that gets me now, as I reflect on why, is he was frustrated with me, because I was letting others walk all over me, he was frustrated because he wants better for me. It gets me thinking about how amazing of a friend he is. I really had given up with standing up for myself, and he reminded me that I shouldn't deal with peoples bull crap. I need to let people know when they hurt me, I have become more weak then I ever have been in my life. He also got me to reflect on all of my friendships.. I have always thought Skyler really wasn't that good of a friend. It seemed like he was never there and that whenever I wanted him to do something, he was always too busy. Now, I realize that I didn't want to let him be there for me. I just pushed him away, every single time he got close. Anywho, after Skyler and I had this long talk we had so much more fun. It was like we used to be, we didn't have to try and have fun, it just happened. Monday turned out to be amazing.<3

Then Tuesday, was hell. I broke a promise to myself and a lot of others. It was a really bad night, just like Tuesdays with family counsellings always end up being. But this week it was so much worse. A lot of things happened which quickly reminded me of my past. I am scared, that life won't ever get better. It seems like the past always repeats itself, and it creates a new monster each time. This probably doesn't make any sense to anyone, but it does to me.. I am starting to get those bad dreams again, I am hardly sleeping, because I am afraid, again. I just want to not be scared, I want to feel comfortable. No matter where I go, I can't be. Days like Tuesday makes me miss my uncles hugs, because they always make me feel safe.

Also, Tuesday showed me that Christen is there for me, she was there for me when I didn't know who else to turn to. I sent her a text to ask her to come get me and she did, within minutes.. When literally, ten minutes prior I got mad at her for no reason. It showed me that she is there, sometimes. She might not always be there when I need her, but when I needed a friend Tuesday, she was there. That's what should matter..

Wednesday, was an okay day. Kind of busy, but also kind of lazy. I went to Aunt Becky's. We baked bread, made Quinn's notebook, played on the computer, and sat at soccer practice waiting for Rush. All in all, it was an okay day.

Today, I decided while laying in bed last night that I was just going to wake up and have everything okay. Just take it all one day at a time and figure out what to do. So, I started laundry, cleaned up a little, and then started reading. I felt pretty good, content. When I get a face book message from one of the people that has hurt me the most these past couple weeks. Can I tell you that I am so sick of reading or hearing the word SORRY?! Honestly, it is beginning to not mean a single thing to me. I feel like it is just a word people say when they want others to forgive them, but aren't sincere enough to come up with a real apology. They are basically using the word, because they think it's something I want to hear. It annoys me. I have decided that Love and Sorry are two of the most used words in the dictionary, and that most people in this world have NO clue what they mean.

Well, that's all I have to say today, or at least for now.

P.S. Sorry for any typos. I can't think today..(: