cause when I was low..

...you were there for me, never left left me alone cause you cared for me.

This beautiful lady is my mom. I love her so freaking much, it hurts.

So, most nights everyone in my family goes to sleep and I stay up and have my alone time, blogging and watching TV and then when I get tired I go and check on my mom and brother, and then go to sleep. Well, I was out watching TV when I decided I wanted to go get a soda, which are in my moms closet.  When I went in there I noticed she was sleeping really good, she usually wakes up when we open her squeaky door. Well, she didn't so I grab my drink and go out and watch TV. After about a second I kind of thought about it and when back in to check on her, because, I worry myself. So, I go in her room and she didn't wake up. I said "mom" multiple times and she still didn't wake up. I was worried, I was scared to touch her, because she has be known to hit us if we touch her while she sleeps, but finally I touch her and she inhales really deep in a startled way. I told her to sit up on her bed and to look at me. I asked if she was okay, she said yes. Well later I hear her up and awake so I went to talk to her and she didn't remember any of it. Honestly, scared the crap out of me. If I ever loose my mom, I will probably kill myself, honest. I don't know who I am with my mom. I love her so much. I honestly wish life was so much easier for her. She works all day just to support us and then she has to do stupid stuff for Darwin. I feel bad that every guy she has ever loved treated her like shit. I feel bad for every time I have treated her like shit. I am so sick of everyone using her, so sick of it. I am also sick of everyone talking crap on her, so what, she doesn't parent how you would or do, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love and care for us as much if not more than you do for your kids. My mom knows EVERYTHING about me, and she still loves me.

The last time I got high, I was sketching out and the only person that I could call was my mom and she had just gotten home from doing stuff all day and she drove thirty minutes to come pick me up. 

When I was little I always felt like my moms favorite, but when we all talk about it, we all did. I don't know how she did it, but she always has found a way to make us all feel special. She has always said or did those things that made us all appreciate her. And we all appreciate her for so many different reasons.

I love my mom, so much, end of story.

Lyrics that remind me of my mom? I'll bold them.

(best song in history? pretty sure.)

DEAR MAMA

TUPAC.

You are appreciated

[Verse One: 2Pac]

When I was a young me and my mama had beef
Seventeen years old kicked out on the streets
Though back at the time, I never thought I'd see her face
Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's place
Suspended from school; and scared to go home, I was a fool
with the big boys, breakin all the rules
I shed tears with my baby sister
Over the years we was poorer than the other little kids
And even though we had different daddys, the same drama
When things went wrong we'd blame mama
I reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell
Huggin' on my mama from a jail cell
And who'd think in elementary?
Heeey! I see the penitentiary, one day
And runnin from the police, that's right
Mama catch me, put a whoopin to my backside
And even as a crack fiend, mama
You always was a black queen, mama
I finally understand
for a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how ya did it
There's no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated
Lady...
Don't cha know we love ya? Sweet lady
Dear mama
Place no one above ya, sweet lady
You are appreciated
Don't cha know we love ya?

[Verse Two: 2Pac]

Now ain't nobody tell us it was fair
No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
He passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along
I was lookin for a father he was gone
I hung around with the Thugs, and even though they sold drugs
They showed a young brother love
I moved out and started really hangin
I needed money of my own so I started slangin
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good puttin money in your mailbox
I love payin rent when the rents due
I hope ya got the diamond necklace that I sent to you
Cause when I was low you was there for me
And never left me alone because you cared for me
And I could see you comin home after work late
You're in the kitchen tryin to fix us a hot plate
Ya just workin with the scraps you was given
And mama made miracles every Thanksgivin
But now the road got rough, you're alone
You're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated

[Chorus]
Lady...
Don't cha know we love ya? Sweet lady
Dear mama
Place no one above ya, sweet lady
You are appreciated
Don't cha know we love ya?



[Verse Three: 2Pac]

Pour out some liquor and I reminsce, cause through the drama
I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus
When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act craaazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day
Everything will be alright if ya hold on
It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated


[Chorus]
Lady...
Don't cha know we love ya? Sweet lady
Dear mama
Place no one above ya, sweet lady
You are appreciated
Don't cha know we love ya?


Sweet lady
And dear mama

Dear mama
Lady [3X]