Let's smoke some weed...

..aaand talk about all the other times we got high together.

I am very irritated today. & I don't know why. Maybe it's because everyone is purposely doing things to annoy me, or MAYBE it's because I can't catch a break.. I just want to be left alone and no one will leave me alone. All I want is to sit in my room all by myself and watch bad girls club. That's all. Bleeeeh, not too happy today.

So I am watching house, I am so excited it is back on. I love this show so much. I totally forgot what happened last season, but now it's all coming back. 

Well, my mind is going crazy. I can't stay thinking about one subject, I feel crazy. There are so many things that I want to say, but I can't quite put any of them into words.

One; I miss all my friends. Skyler, Brook, & Christen.. I love you guys so much and I am so sorry for pushing you guys away. I know that I am doing it, I just can't stop. I want to be close again, and talk about meaningless crap 24/7, but I just don't know how to make things like they used to be. I love and miss you guys. I will make everything back to what they used to be, or pretty close, I promise.

Two; Darwin. Dude, I don't know why we are fighting so much, I am pretty sure it's because I am so mad at you. You are so much better than how you are acting. You really think the stuff you do is that important? It's not. I messed up too, and guess what?! I changed, life isn't worth it. Trust me, I know. People make mistakes, but you have to learn from them. That, my dear, is what life is about, learning from choices you make. Come'on, strive to do better, for yourself, please.

Three; I have been going to church stuff lately and it makes me think about life and stuff. I really, really wish I wanted to go talk to my bishop and fix things, but I don't. 

Four; This weekend, when at conference I heard multiple times that God loves me no matter what, but no matter how many times I hear it, when will I know or feel it? I was talking to Skyler and he told me I was stupid because I felt God didn't love me, but I am not. I have made so many mistakes, mistakes no one knows about. How can God love me? I just don't understand.

Five; I hate feeling so much, and I am sick of feeling. I need to do something to block out my feelings, something, because the whole feeling crap is really getting to me. Man, I wish I never stopped doing stupid things, I used to be so much happier.

Six; I am heading to bed, because I can't stop thinking and I am so sick of typing. So goodnight..