...children are neglected, marriages and relationships are destroyed,
because of drugs. Tell me, is it worth it? Was it worth it?
Drugs:
A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction.
^ This, folks, is why I sat up all night in tears, why I went on a walk yesterday and cried the whole time, and its why I woke up in tears. Doing drugs is one of the most selfish things anyone could do. I never realized that until yesterday. I will never again put another drug to my mouth to have fun, ever. It's not worth it. I have seen both sides of the drug world. I have done them, and I have watched someone I really love and care about do them. Believe me, the second one is the hardest. You know, drugs were always in my life when I was little. They are a big factor in who and how I am today.
When I was little I saw what they did to a family. They ripped my family apart. I swore to myself I would never, ever do drugs. But as I grew older, I began to forget the past, actually not forget, I just stopped caring. I stopped caring that my dad didn't want to be a part of our lives, that my family didn't really care about us, because it all seemed so hard. That point in my life is when I began to cut. The point where I stopped caring, the point when it all didn't matter, the point where it felt too hard to deal with life. I cut until I was like, seventeen, and then I started doing drugs. First it was weed, then it was anything I could to get high. It began to be an everyday thing, but as soon as I realized I was addicted, I stopped. Because the only thing worse than being addicted is being addicted and knowing, but you can't stop.
That was my, addicted to drugs story, but there is more. Before I even started doing drugs, someone else very close to me had started. Neither of us have influenced one another, we hardly talked about it. The thing is, I started after and stopped before this person. In fact, to this day, this person is still getting high. Can I tell you this, kills me?! I have told this person over and over again that 'drugs aren't worth it.' It was so much easier for me to kick the habit, because I had already fought an addiction, but this person doesn't know what addiction feels like, cause they have never stopped.
Addiction ruins your life. It makes you pull away from everyone that means something to you. The things you used to love don't matter anymore. Everyone and anything is out to get you. Everything, you once thought was wrong, isn't now. That is what addiction does. It turns your world upside down and kicks you to the ground. It makes you feel like the only way to go is down, because getting up seems too hard. You can't trust anyone, but yourself. This makes you live in a world where you think the only real person is you. That is how addiction ruins your life.
Dear you:
I have written so many letters to you, hoping that one day you'd happen to stop thinking about drugs for one minute and stumble upon my blog. That you would know that life means so much more than this. You have so much more potential in life than this. You always ask everyone that if ten years from now will this matter? And now I want to ask you. In ten years from now will this matter to you? No, because the way you're going you won't be on this earth with us any longer. It will matter to us though, because every breath we take, we will know you couldn't take another. We will always wonder if it was our fault. We would think all the 'what ifs' and 'could I have changed this'. Yesterday, terrified me, it didn't just scare me. I thought I had lost you. When you came home, you looked sick. You went and laid down, and when I went in there, you weren't breathing. Do you hear me? There was no air coming out of you. I screamed your name and punched you, multiple times. You wouldn't wake up. I thought I lost you. You were so pale, paler than I had ever seen anyone before. And no one was answering my phone calls, I was alone and scared and I didn't know what to do. Finally, I ran and got a water bottle and threw some in your face. You woke up and had the most evil looking eyes and you yelled at me. You told me I was annoying and to get the eff out. Now, looking back on it, it all seemed to happens so fast, but slow at the same time. I will never, ever forget this. I had dreams about it last night. I didn't go to sleep until two in the morning, because I was scared you wouldn't wake up. If I had lost you, I don't know if I would still be alive today, I probably wouldn't. I have never been so scared or felt so helpless in my life. And when I went online this morning and the only thing I read was about how bad you felt for ditching your girlfriend, I honestly am so hurt. Because after all that you put me through, all you care about is you. That is what a drug addict mentality will do to you. It turns the most brightest, giving people into dull, selfish assholes. And that is what it did to you. I love you so much and would give my life for you. I only want whats best for you, and I wish you would care about someone else for just a second to see that it is hurting more than just you. It is hurting all of us. In ten years, the actions you are making are going to matter to mom, me, and Jasmine.. I just hope you will be alive so they matter to you too.
Love you most,
Brittany </3
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