Excuse me, but I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight

I have been really sad and frustrated lately. I feel as if nothing in my life is how I want it and I don't know where to go from here. In my last post I put about how 'bad' of a person I am, but really, I don't think I am a bad person. I, honestly, see nothing wrong with smoking huka and having a couple shots every now and then (when I turn 21). I enjoy doing these things..

I don't see anything wrong with not going to church every Sunday. I feel like I am judged there and it doesn't make me happy. I know what I believe, so why do I have to go validate to everyone else what I believe? It frustrates me. Some people I know make it seem like you are a horrible person if you don't attend church, I just don't get it. God will judge everyone accordingly to what they do, so worry about yourself.

I am who I am. And I am sick of being judged and treated badly for being me. I am the girl who will go to church occasionally, just because I feel like going. I am the girl who believes that love is love no matter what sex or race. I am the girl who sees nothing wrong with getting tattoos, especially if they have a meaning. I am the girl who will not change my opinion on something, just to fit in. I am the girl who continues to struggle day in and day out with self-mutilation. I am the girl who smokes huka just because it's fun. I am the girl who laughs uncontrollably at someone who falls. I am the girl who laughs at her self when she gets hurt. I am the girl who hates to cry in front of people. I am the girl who can no longer fake being something that I am not.

I may do things that some of you don't approve of, but my personality is the same. I am still the girl who laughs at everything, gives looks for no reason, pushes people away because they get too close, stiffens up when someone goes in for a hug, goes out of my way to make others happy, keeps your secrets, confides in others, hates to cry, and keeps her word. If you don't like me for who I am or what I've become than I don't need you in my life, simple as that. (: