I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

There are some people in my life who make me feel so great about myself, like when I am with them, I know they love and care about me. But there are some people who make me feel horrible in life, I feel stupid, out of place, awkward, etc. And when I transition from one person to the next, know I have to go home after, or hang out with both groups of people, I kind of get really depressed. Like those are the nights I end up crying myself to sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone should be all about me 24/7. I am just saying it would be nice if at least one person in my daily life would ask me how I am doing at least once a month. I am always so busy listening to them and helping them. I carry their burdens on my shoulders, and its hard. Just because I rarely cry in front of people doesn't mean I don't hurt inside. I have all your secrets built up inside of me, plus mine. Its hard sometimes. I don't know.

And I have also noticed that the people that love and care for me don't think I am awkward. They love me for who I am and stuff. Its weird. And when I call myself awkward they all tell me I'm not. But the other guys are the ones that call me awkward and make me feel that way. I don't know..

I wish I were the type of person that could quit trying so hard, but I'm not. I will fight until there is no fight left in me. I was told that one of my greatest qualities is that I love with all I have, but I was also told that was one of my biggest faults too. So, I'm screwed.